Well, it happened. Apple finally unveiled their newest tech gadgets for the new year. And they are impressive...looking, to say the least. There's the iPhone 6, and the iPhone 6 Plus, which are your basic smartphone and phablet devices out of Cupertino. There are a great many places to find a great deal of information about these devices.
But, if you're just in the mood for a laugh, here's Tom and I cracking jokes, pondering the future of Android, and generally bitching about Apple's yearly conference of planned obsolescence. Enjoy (and feel free to rightfully assume that everything here is [sic]'d to the dickens.)
Tom Fennell -
My twitter timeline right now:
Apple
Apple
Apple
Apple
snarky thing about Apple
Moto 360
Apple
Chris Kopech -
subtweet
weather
apple
Chris Kopech -
20 minutes until our phones become even more obsolete
proablby
Tom Fennell -
bigger, blacker iphone 6 plus
Chris Kopech -
yeah
really
Tom Fennell -
Chris Kopech -
already there
Tom Fennell -
very, very attractive.
Chris Kopech -
tried to load the stream off Apple.com
but you need safari
because of course you need safari
Tom Fennell -
Install Safari! LOLZ
I'm having trouble pushing out the dirty thoughts right now, pending this watch announcement. Mother google forgive me.
Chris Kopech -
I'm doing similar things
ooof
they meh'd out on the screen
even though, blah blah, retina
but still
Tom Fennell -
Without doing the math, I feel like that isn't even an improvement? just more real estate?
Chris Kopech -
that's all it is
yeah
the plus is just going to be an iPad Mini killer
Tom Fennell -
two pane in landscape, good call
Chris Kopech -
that is cool
Tom Fennell -
eyup
landscape home screen
cute
#haditforyears
Chris Kopech -
lol
it all just looks so pretty on new hardware
just keep remembering
everything this thing can do is bolstered by brand new software, too
and you'd only get features that have been missing, not, you konw, there for three years
Tom Fennell -
hahaha reachability is terrible.
Chris Kopech -
a whole generation of idiots who have no clue how to use big phones
cough i have a notification shade on my home bar cough
Tom Fennell -
"oh, yours doesn't scroll to bring the buttons closer to your thumb? bummer."
that CNN scaling image is weird...no content flow, just bigger shit.
n/m, jumped 'em on that.
dammit, that "bigger, customized for 6+" CNN view looks stellar.
Chris Kopech -
that's a nice little software hack on the G3
Tom Fennell -
daaang, that's cool
Chris Kopech -
I can do whatever I want with the buttons
hence home is on the right, not the middle
Tom Fennell -
beats the gesture option on Nova, since I assume it's everywhere
Chris Kopech -
yes, that's correct
though I had one of those, too
christ
I've been trying to screw with getting teh stream to work on my work PC
and
I just figured out
MY FUCKING MBP IS SITTING RIGHT NEW TO ME
Tom Fennell -
haha
Chris Kopech - 1:22 PM
that's so dumb
of me
christ
eyah
game looks tihgt
try playing it on any other iphone
Tom Fennell -
haha
just watching the liveblog, so I believe ya
this fitness stuff really has started winning me over.
the phone has a fucking barometer in it?!
Chris Kopech -
the DInc did, too
or one of my old ones did
Tom Fennell -
I didn't realize that was a thing people did.
Chris Kopech -
it isn't
until n ow, I guess
wifi calling
hmmm
HAVE IT
tmo has had it for a year
Tom Fennell -
Score one for TMo
I am definitely a little sick of having a phone with a sub-par camera.
I shouldn't be, owning a couple good and actual cameras
But it's still the one you have with you.
Chris Kopech -
agreed
decent specs
I really think we put too much creedence in smartphone cameras
but I have an Android, so, I should say that
Tom Fennell -
haha
Then again an entire generation will have their baby pictures only in Facebook album thumbnails, so we might as well maximize quality while we can.
Chris Kopech -
fair point
Tom Fennell -
optical image stabilization is a fucking revelation.
Chris Kopech -
have it on my phone
Tom Fennell -
Only thing that'll be more special than that in a mobile device is actual optical zoom, not digital
You do? not software stabilization, but the lens actually moves?
Chris Kopech -
I believe it's OIS, yes
Tom Fennell -
damn. Good. Glad it's not iP exclusive
Chris Kopech -
i fucking love how apple has to teach a generation of buyers how to use a big phone
it's cracking me up
we made it special so that you can use it one-handed!
they're plowing thru this thing, as Verge keeps noting
Tom Fennell -
yeah, I noticed that
Chris Kopech -
jesus
299 on a 2 year
fuck me
and 199 for a 16gb
good lord
Tom Fennell -
on contract
Chris Kopech -
yeah
Tom Fennell -
Sprint doesn't play "on contract" any more
Chris Kopech -
true
same with TMo
they ship in 10 days
wow
Tom Fennell -
If this watch is fuckin spectacular, I may have a problem.
Chris Kopech -
remember
everything this phone has, yours has already had
Tom Fennell -
Hahaha it's true.
Chris Kopech -
also
Tom Fennell -
well, camera stuff
Chris Kopech -
apple's safari feed fucking sucks
Tom Fennell -
but otherwise, totally
Chris Kopech -
keeps dying
mobile payments
BEEN THERE
but my guess is that Apple will get it right
unless the carriers start fucking with them
Tom Fennell -
Maybe they will...but the touch-to-pay pads are already starting to disappear, it seems
Chris Kopech -
yep
Tom Fennell -
7-eleven always used to have 'em, and they're gone. CVS too, I believe.
Chris Kopech -
walgreens has 'em
love me some walgreens
my biggest sticking point
about iOS
no app drawer
makes me want to scream
Tom Fennell -
IT'S JUST GOOGLE WALLET
With a finger swiper
Chris Kopech -
mine has a pin
who cares
Tom Fennell -
mine too
Chris Kopech -
it's the same thing
had it for a year
Tom Fennell -
good, at least now everybody'll put the pads in
exactly
Chris Kopech -
very good point
Tom Fennell -
NFC on top is a good idea.
Chris Kopech -
Android Police is always fun after these events
that means it isn't battery dependent, I would think
Tom Fennell -
for the "How long we've had these features" rundown
Chris Kopech -
but AP = fun because they basically have to talk people off the ledge
Tom Fennell -
haha
This is what they wished that Passbook was this whole time
or whatever it was called, that held the gift cards and boarding passes on your iPhone
"We are not in the business of collecting your data." That should be in every ad they run for a while in the tech circles.
Chris Kopech -
yeah
Tom Fennell -
Announcing Visa and MasterCard like they're strategic partners in this venture
It's a payment system, I'd expect to use major CCs
Chris Kopech -
right
Tom Fennell -
Now they get credit for every one of those pads that we've been using for the last 18 months.
well done.
slowclap.avi
Chris Kopech -
lol
Tom Fennell -
The Crowd goes wild for Whole Foods. What the shit. If Apple could claim they invented PINs, they'd have suddenly invented ATMs, too
Chris Kopech -
not impressed yet
not even close
like the design of the new phones, tho
they pretty
Tom Fennell -
very
Chris Kopech -
bu tnothing earth shattering yet
pay with Google
Tom Fennell -
They should redesign the beats "b" logo to include a bite out of the right side
Chris Kopech -
Pay with PayPal
same shit
Tom Fennell -
Why would I need to Apple Pay through Uber when I don't mind giving Uber my card? Just so I don't *have* to give Uber my CC#?
Chris Kopech -
walgreen's specifically has a pay with google
same shit differnt OS
NILAY PATEL10:55:39 AM PDT
This is a really really good idea, but it's going to take a long time — and some bigger batteries — before anyone can actually get rid of their credit cards.
This is a really really good idea, but it's going to take a long time — and some bigger batteries — before anyone can actually get rid of their credit cards.
Tom Fennell -
Bravo, Tim, with the "One more thing..."
Chris Kopech -
here we go
Tom Fennell -
...
Chris Kopech -
it's a new ipod!!!!
Tom Fennell -
haha
made me look.
Chris Kopech -
I want to see what it looks like
that's all
Tom Fennell -
It's gonna be round.
no doubt
if they do square with similar edges, forget it
Chris Kopech -
since I'm not bought into the apple ecosystem, I don't care otherwise
Tom Fennell -
right
The livestream says "Round." "Square!"
Chris Kopech -
hysterical
I have that on my pcmonitor
and the apple stream on m other one
Tom Fennell -
Ah, k.
Chris Kopech -
and GChat on more
Tom Fennell -
god these things are going to be everywhere
IT'S AN IPOD NANO! JOKE'S ON YOU, FANBOYS!
Tom Fennell - 2:00 PM
the company that does that Lunatik is across the street from my office
I should go over and see how they're doing
The Verge, January 2015: "Apple Battles to Trademark 'watch' "
The dial is cute.
round face on the square watch just looks stupid.
Chris Kopech -
this is just a Nano on a band with a HRM
(I hope)
Tom Fennell -
He'd be an idiot not to zing hard at the battery discussion
Chris Kopech -
we're about to hear it
Tom Fennell -
For fucks sake, Jony, even Dieter designed some square clock faces. Get over yourself.
Chris Kopech -
oh christ
I hate Ive
ahte him
can't fucking stand him
And I love how every video makes fun of him
I hate the home screen
hate it
WHY MUST I SEE ALL MUY APPS
WHYYYY
Tom Fennell -
I Didn't realize that's actually the home screen
DESIGN SOMETHING SQUARE
Chris Kopech - 2:09 PM
what the fuck
TOM HOLD ON I'M'A SEND YOU MY HEARTBEAT
the fuck
Tom Fennell -
oh good, the screen senses force...so it can scold me when I accidentally bash it against a doorframe?
Chris Kopech -
lol
Tom Fennell -
Apple decided to make this thing look like its own thing, as long as the colors and fonts match
Chris Kopech -
lol
Tom Fennell -
Google wanted AW to look like Google Now
Chris Kopech -
this is a cool watch
I'll agree with that
but
it's all about ecosystem
I wouldn't move over to an iPhone for this watch
or android for AW right now
I'm a big fan of early adoption
but not like this
this so clearly isn't there yet
fuck
Tom Fennell -
Agreed
Chris Kopech -
the strap changing is cool doe
Tom Fennell -
Aww, a designer sized watch and a man sized watch
Chris Kopech -
that's actually a good idea
any guesses on launch?
I'm saying Oct 1
Tom Fennell -
10/15-11/1
still here by christmas.
I'm going ballistic that they won't show enough square stuff filling the watch face
Oh, look who's embracing widgets now
Does Google have "long press" tied up in IP?
Is that why they had to make a flexy screen that can feel a durable poke?
Chris Kopech -
aparently
not impressed yet
because I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT PLANETS
Tom Fennell -
"Hey, I can see Uranus on my watch."
Chris Kopech -
gonna hear that one a lot
Tom Fennell -
#thingspervertsandtechiessay
Chris Kopech -
right, AW does all of this
Tom Fennell -
If Apple carried out this music player's UI back to iOS, it would look like a Motorola-skinned Android device from five years ago.
Should we just publish this chat log on the blog? haha
We should've figured out liveblogging.
Chris Kopech -
of course
Tom Fennell -
It's weird how you can't actually tell where the screen ends
#glarepocalypse
Chris Kopech -
those emoji are terrifying
Tom Fennell -
I mean, you know where the glass ends and the bezel starts...but the usable area is a question mark.
That emoji should haunt Jony Ive for the rest of his life.
Chris Kopech -
I hope so
Tom Fennell -
Remember, the liveblog is showing images of the watch face that must be at least 100% larger in both directions
how small is the viewable area??
Chris Kopech -
it looks really small
Tom Fennell -
I guess the scale is browser-dependent
but still
way small
Chris Kopech -
how far out does the crown go to make it easy to use?
Tom Fennell -
"force touch" will be the tech joke of the month.
Chris Kopech -
lol
yeah
I mean
this is nice
Tom Fennell -
it is nice
Chris Kopech -
Apple people will fucking love it
Tom Fennell -
It looks like what Duarte would've done at Palm if it still existed
Chris Kopech -
taptic feedback
come on
Tom Fennell -
This is bizzarro-world Palm OS Watch.
cute bubbles, rounded cards, black background everything, smooth stone edges
Chris Kopech -
I'm just gonna sit here and wait for the Googapple nexPhone
Tom Fennell -
Chris Kopech -
pretty spot on
Tom Fennell -
Suck that, Apple.
Chris Kopech -
hhahhahahhaa
this is so werid
Tom Fennell -
hahaha
Oh, really? third parties can make apps for the watch? Weird.
I can honestly say that Google was more prepared for this with Now -> AW than apple appeared to be.
If they don't show a scannable QR code filling that screen, they're idiots.
Chris Kopech -
that's because Google now is that good
there's nothing like that on Apple
they have that on Google Now, the parking thing
and scores
and Nest
Tom Fennell -
No wonder Nike said they're getting out of hardware
Apple told 'em this was in the pipeline
You're going to exercise in your metal-braceleted gold-plated AppleWatch? I think not.
Only works with iPhones in the 5 and 6 levels
EARLY 2015
Chris Kopech -
Wooooooooof
Tom Fennell -
Aaaaand no mention of battery life.
Apple Pay works on the watch. Kinda cool.
Except for having to explain to EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN FAST RETAIL why you aren't handing them a card, and instead waiting for them to turn on the pad so you can hit it with your wristwatch.
Tom Fennell -
$349
Chris Kopech -
Pffbb
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